Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I Watch TV, and Sometimes See People I Knew
Last night I sat down to eat my burrito at almost exactly 8 pm. I turned on the television to see what sort of irresistible programs were being beamed into my household. What I saw shocked and repulsed me.
I watched about three minutes each of three of CBS's situational comedies, starting with the series debut of The Class. This show’s very existence baffles me. Why do traditional sitcoms still exist? What purpose does a laugh track serve in 2006? I’ve already established that we’re so far beyond the future that it’s almost impossible to conceive how beyond the future we are; how can laugh tracks thus still exist? Television executives hate and fear the future. The Class seems like a thoroughly awful, useless show, predicated on a ridiculous conceit, springing from an unbelievable situation, and starring horrible actors in stereotypical roles. This one girl was kinda cute, though.
In fact all three shows were awful. Or at least two of them were. I saw two scenes from How I Met My Mother, and one of them was pretty good. I’m talking about the paranoid delusion Nick Andopolis has, in which Willow Rosenberg canoodles with funk legend George Clinton over dinner and tennis, eventually getting to play with Clinton’s hair after he gives her a ferret. That little bit made me laugh. Everything before and after this imaginary sequence, though, was unremarkable.
Three And A Half Men has always blown, strongly, proudly, resolutely. I expected nothing less from it last night. It delivered. Jon Crier and co. served up three solid minutes of anti-laughter, along with one scene that I was very surprised to see. Charlie Sheen was shown in bed with three women at the same time, all in their underwear or nightgowns. I was kind of shocked that made it on the air. Wasn't everything supposed to have changed after I failed to notice Janet Jackson’s be-pastied nipple that other year? I’d think just telling jokes about group sex would be near the edge of what’s acceptable for a network sitcom; actually showing multiple people in a bed together in a blatantly sexual situation seems unthinkable. Dan Fielding and Sam Malone probably made some jokes about foursomes, but I’m sure they never showed them all in bed before or after the fact. Anyway, I wasn’t even remotely offended by the sexual content, but instead by the pathetic attempts at comedy, which were, you know, pathetic.
Of course I was done with my burrito by this point, and despite having a ton of shit to do I remained in front of the tv. While switching around I noticed that, for some inexplicable reason, Jeopardy! was on at nine last night, on the former WB affiliate. I had no intention of watching for more than a couple seconds, until I recognized one of the contestants. A girl I used to know was on the show, and actually won. I haven't seen a second of Jeopardy! in like eight months, so for me to finally tune in when somebody I knew not only competed but actually won was pretty damn crazy.
At this point, shortly after 9:30, I finally realized that the Braves game was actually on TBS. That was the most shocking moment of all last night. The Braves, actually on TBS! How quaint. They haven’t even been showing them on Sundays anymore. I tuned in just in time to see Daryle Ward hit a three-run homer, to put the Braves up 6-1. I decided to change the channel immediately, as every time I watched them this year they’ve wound up blowing the game in the 8th or 9th innings.
I think we watched like twenty minutes or so of music videos at this point. We saw the video for some Brooke Hogan song. She goes simply by Brooke now, which is a pretty forgettable name. Paul Wall was in the video. I guess he wants to get as much money as he possibly can now, before America realizes that he’s ugly and white and can’t rap worth a shit.
At ten I watched that unheralded new NBC program, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. I’m surprised this show made it on the air, what with its cast of complete unknowns, and unproven young writer/creator. Still, it was a pretty good first episode of a show, and I wonder why the network didn’t promote it more thoroughly. This thing could’ve been a hit with at least a modicum of network support, but now it’s destined to die an early death. Oh well, I’ll enjoy it while I can, I guess.
Last night I sat down to eat my burrito at almost exactly 8 pm. I turned on the television to see what sort of irresistible programs were being beamed into my household. What I saw shocked and repulsed me.
I watched about three minutes each of three of CBS's situational comedies, starting with the series debut of The Class. This show’s very existence baffles me. Why do traditional sitcoms still exist? What purpose does a laugh track serve in 2006? I’ve already established that we’re so far beyond the future that it’s almost impossible to conceive how beyond the future we are; how can laugh tracks thus still exist? Television executives hate and fear the future. The Class seems like a thoroughly awful, useless show, predicated on a ridiculous conceit, springing from an unbelievable situation, and starring horrible actors in stereotypical roles. This one girl was kinda cute, though.
In fact all three shows were awful. Or at least two of them were. I saw two scenes from How I Met My Mother, and one of them was pretty good. I’m talking about the paranoid delusion Nick Andopolis has, in which Willow Rosenberg canoodles with funk legend George Clinton over dinner and tennis, eventually getting to play with Clinton’s hair after he gives her a ferret. That little bit made me laugh. Everything before and after this imaginary sequence, though, was unremarkable.
Three And A Half Men has always blown, strongly, proudly, resolutely. I expected nothing less from it last night. It delivered. Jon Crier and co. served up three solid minutes of anti-laughter, along with one scene that I was very surprised to see. Charlie Sheen was shown in bed with three women at the same time, all in their underwear or nightgowns. I was kind of shocked that made it on the air. Wasn't everything supposed to have changed after I failed to notice Janet Jackson’s be-pastied nipple that other year? I’d think just telling jokes about group sex would be near the edge of what’s acceptable for a network sitcom; actually showing multiple people in a bed together in a blatantly sexual situation seems unthinkable. Dan Fielding and Sam Malone probably made some jokes about foursomes, but I’m sure they never showed them all in bed before or after the fact. Anyway, I wasn’t even remotely offended by the sexual content, but instead by the pathetic attempts at comedy, which were, you know, pathetic.
Of course I was done with my burrito by this point, and despite having a ton of shit to do I remained in front of the tv. While switching around I noticed that, for some inexplicable reason, Jeopardy! was on at nine last night, on the former WB affiliate. I had no intention of watching for more than a couple seconds, until I recognized one of the contestants. A girl I used to know was on the show, and actually won. I haven't seen a second of Jeopardy! in like eight months, so for me to finally tune in when somebody I knew not only competed but actually won was pretty damn crazy.
At this point, shortly after 9:30, I finally realized that the Braves game was actually on TBS. That was the most shocking moment of all last night. The Braves, actually on TBS! How quaint. They haven’t even been showing them on Sundays anymore. I tuned in just in time to see Daryle Ward hit a three-run homer, to put the Braves up 6-1. I decided to change the channel immediately, as every time I watched them this year they’ve wound up blowing the game in the 8th or 9th innings.
I think we watched like twenty minutes or so of music videos at this point. We saw the video for some Brooke Hogan song. She goes simply by Brooke now, which is a pretty forgettable name. Paul Wall was in the video. I guess he wants to get as much money as he possibly can now, before America realizes that he’s ugly and white and can’t rap worth a shit.
At ten I watched that unheralded new NBC program, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. I’m surprised this show made it on the air, what with its cast of complete unknowns, and unproven young writer/creator. Still, it was a pretty good first episode of a show, and I wonder why the network didn’t promote it more thoroughly. This thing could’ve been a hit with at least a modicum of network support, but now it’s destined to die an early death. Oh well, I’ll enjoy it while I can, I guess.
