THE TRUTH ABOUT...
Roger Clemens is a mighty jackass.
He is a bad bad man.
He has a Class 5 ego. You know how big a Class 5 ego is? As wide as the state of Georgia.
Roger Clemens smells like a dead whale’s blowhole.
He is a racist hatemonger who once killed a man because he was sunburned.
He's 80% steroids.
Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters in a game in 1986. He only struck out the white guys. He hit all the black guys in the head.
Roger Clemens makes sex to household appliances.
He asexually procreated his first child, Kole, in 1983. He immediately made him into a tasty slaw which he served at the Clemens family barbecue later that day.
Roger Clemens thinks he knows a thing or two about love.
He caused a scandal early in his life when he claimed to be the Lindbergh Baby.
He has never met a Jew in his entire life.
Roger Clemens is a charitable man. He plans on donating half of his $22 million salary to the local sex industry workers of Houston.
He once pitched a 17-hitter while completely sober.
His favorite food is boob.
He is also a homophobe: