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Monday, February 20, 2006
  I Smell A Rat



Jimmie Johnson - shit, more like Jack Johnson. The Great American Race came to a pretty lame ending yesterday, and a questionable one at that. A wild day at the death groove with a peter for an ending. The hot story going right now is that mutherfuckin Jimmie Johnson is a CHEAT! As you obviously know his crew chief (Chad Knaus, nice name!) was ousted from trials this week down at Daytona for altering Johnson's car after a pre-time trial inspection. What a baby bitch! Tell me this Knausy, did you try to change your answers on your scan-tron tests back in school when you would get the graded test back (probably a F+) and then cry to the teacher that you really bubbled in B and erased answer A? So you're a gambler huh? Shit got caught this time, asshole.

Johnson has been in the hot seat recently because out of his last 4 races or some shit his car has been in trouble for "mechanical changes illegal to Nascar Rules". Like we wouldn't notice if you won, bucko. Well his car mysteriously and paradoxically and a little bit conveniently passed all post race inspections yesterday. Fuck that!

A lot of bumpin and trading of paint in the last several laps which ended under a caution solid stop. What about Ol' Dale Jr? He was a dancin' and a prancin' all around but couldnt get anyone to two step with him as a draft partner to try and make a move on Johnson at the end. Guess, dad is still mad.

You know who else was being a little bitch yesterday - that beefcake Tony Stewart. Shit, Mr. Fatty - maybe you should have kept your mouth shut and full of sandwich while you were trying to oust other drivers for "aggressive driving" in this week's press conferences. Mothershit essentially eliminated two other drivers by driving them into the wall (Jeff Gordon, probably deserved it based on that haircut) and also cutting one off in a retaliation swerve that caused Matt Kensith surfing through the grass and slamming backwards into the wall further down the track. Amazingly avoiding a death blow from a head on collision - what was he on a magic carpet? Probably. So yeah dude, why don't you try to shed a few before you make your crew paint on all your stickers to save that .001 of a second. God damn it.

And that's your Nascar meat card.
 

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MESMERIZATION ECLIPSE RADIO:
Elliott is on AM 1690 the Voice of the Arts on Monday nights from 7-9PM for Radio Undefined
Crews is on WXDU on Tuesday mornings from ten to noon

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Dark doesn't want to own her, but he can't let her have it both ways.

Cocaine Bref is proud of his island heritage & will riff with you.

Elliott is sufficiently breakfast.
PS3 ID: ATLbloodfeast

Crog works in the bullshit industry in Hollywood. He was born on May 7th, 1978.

Jerkwater Johnson (friend to CT Jake Motherfucker) lives in San Francisco. He likes snacking, and the Mets, and is the proprietor of a bar called Duck Camp.

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