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Thursday, May 19, 2005
  More Chewy!! (Non Spoiler Ed)

Star Wars III: A+



(more details later when it wont ruin shit for shit's sake)

***I would however, love to hear - if you had the balls to dare the danger and go see it at midnight last night/this morning - any good "IN THEATRE" stories.

We got to our theatre about an hour and a half before the movie started and boy were we in for a treat. The theatre we were at was illegally running the movie on every single one of its screens so all 10 theatres were packed. Little did we know that there was going to be a JEDI MASTER* just a few rows away from us. He came in about 10:45 with cloak fully drawn and at a very slow and dramatic pace (arms folded in front of him of course!). He sat, and waited for a foe, probably meditating. In came prancing some teens/dorks with the dreaded RED LIGHT SABER ALREADY DRAWN - mere pranksters out on a gallivant! Our Jedi needed to protect the theatre, so slowly stood and gracefully paced towards the t-shirt clad enemy. Next came a move none of us expected, he actually drew HIS LIGHT SABER! The battle was on and poppin as if demanded by the council themselves. The crowd exploded with anticipation and glee. A short (and unfulfilling) saber dance ensued. JEDI 1 - SITH 0!
HE DID IT, for now!

Then come the jeers. "You aren't going to get laid tonight" cackled some overweight video game nerd. The Jedi swung his head around and glared. Do ye not respect the galactic code? The Jedi was forced to exile.

But don't worry, BATTLE 2 was soon at hand.

10 minutes later (while 2 of our party were out getting the nourishment needed to proceed with this adventure) as if on beckon call, THE RETURN OF THE JEDI! Hood pulled once again - same methodically slow pace. Instead of heading back to his seat - up near us - he continues straight, down to the very front of the theatre. His stage, his rules, his audience, his life waiting in the balance. The enemy engages and realizes the sure threat. "OOOHHHHHHHHHHH" surges from the crowd as if we were a speed bike being throttled. SABERS PITCHED! This was the contest we had paid for. Pass after pass with lightning speed - neither SITH nor JEDI wanting to relinquish ground to the other. CARNAGE FOR THE CONGREGATION! Our Jedi takes a roll with Saber drawn behind him extracting what could possibly be his strongest hit. The SITH IS DAMAGED, yet strong. Next came the sheer moment terror...

Our JEDI MASTER slipped and DROPPED his beloved LIGHT SABER!

FUCK!!!!

The crowd, realizing the SITH HAD WON - exploded with laughter. The SITH WENT IN FOR THE FINAL BLOW which was a strike through the back of our protector as he scrambled for his weapon. The fight was over. The engagement lost. The gallery unprotected.

Our MASTER had been killed. He thus embarrassingly retreated to his seat where he removed his cloak to reveal his "DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A PEOPLE PERSON" shirt (he would later yell at a girl who asked him if his Light Saber was real). One horrendous night he has lived through.


Oh yeah, and the movie was pretty fuckin' awesome too.
 

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Dark doesn't want to own her, but he can't let her have it both ways.

Cocaine Bref is proud of his island heritage & will riff with you.

Elliott is sufficiently breakfast.
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Crog works in the bullshit industry in Hollywood. He was born on May 7th, 1978.

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